DON'T RUN, Whatever You Do - My Adventures as a Safari Guide (Paperback) - Peter Allison

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In Africa "only food runs...and there's nothing you can outrun!" In the tradition of Bill Bryson, a new writer brings us the lively adventures and wit of an African safari guide. Despite that fact that "I had none of the qualities you would expect of a rugged bush man...I'm markedly uncoordinated, can't repair vehicles or understand how they work, I don't like guns, and sweat profusely when nervous or excited..which is exactly how watching animals makes me feel", Peter Allison works as a top safari guide in the Okavango Delta. In this oasis of wetland in the middle of the Kalahari desert, rich with wildlife, he caters to the whims of his wealthy clients, he often has to overcome the impulse to run as far away from them as he can, as these tourists are sometimes more dangerous than a pride of lions! Full of outrageous-but-true tales of the people and animals he has encountered - the half-naked missing member of the British royal family; the squirrel that overdosed on malaria pills; the monkeys with an underwear fetish; and last, but by no means least, "Spielberg" the video-obsessed Japanese tourist - Allison's hilarious stories reveal his good-natured scorn for himself, as well as others. Allison's humour is exceeded only by his love and respect for the animals, and his goal is to limit any negative exposure by planning trips that are minimally invasive - unfortunately it doesn't always work out that way, as he and his clients discover to their cost when they find themselves up to their necks in a hippo-infested watering hole! Full of essential wisdom like "Don't run,whatever you do" and "never stand behind a frightened zebra" (they are prone to explosive flatulence when scared!), this is a wonderful and vivid portrait of what the life of a safari guide is really like.