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My father was strict and demanding, intolerant of my repeated failures to measure up to his expectations. As a result, I came to believe that my heavenly Father was equally strict, equally demanding, equally intolerant.
This distorted view of God left me feeling insecure and afraid, uncertain about where I stood in relationship to him and afraid of his response to me. I look back over my early jour-nals, and they chronicle one personal failure after another. I felt I could never do enough to please him. Before long, I felt I wasn't enough. Not good enough. Not committed enough. Not obedient enough. Not surprisingly, I found little joy in serving him. After years of serving like that, I had little strength to pursue a relation ship with someone who seemed so impossible to please.
So, in a last-ditch effort to discover who this unpleasable God really was, I resigned from my pastoral ministry in Gweru, Zimbabwe, moved a travel trailer to a seaside resort on the Igoda River and sequestered myself there, determined-like Jacob wrestling with the angel not to give up until God blessed me with a new understanding of who he was. In that trailer by the river, he met me. The struggle was intense. But the dawn finally came, spilling light and color into every area of my life, deliver-ing me from the drudgery of being a servant to the joy of being a son. That moment the clouds parted made all the difference in my life. And it will make all the difference in yours.
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